Updated: Jan 19, 2020

Just me blabbing on about music and guilt and getting side tracked!

Ever heard a song and it resonates with you so much that not only do you play it over and over on repeat for days on end, but you also get overly emotional listening to it until your crying sounds like a poor distressed farm animal? No? Seriously, not even one song that gets you like that? Ha, me either. But there was this one time that did happen to me and it happened quite recently (for the first time ever, ever). I kept seeing the advert for the Scottish film Wild Rose on the TV and I quite liked the song that was playing during it, so I downloaded the sound track (I literally debated with myself for far too long here whether to type ‘sound track’ or ‘album’). Anyway, you’d think that’s pretty harmless right? Well, lets just see shall we. The album (using ‘album’ now) is actually pretty good. But that’s the dangerous part because now I’m trying to rally up the team for a girl’s trip to Nashville and I’m like a dog with a bone, so my pals are either going to start ghosting me or buy me a one way ticket and I don’t want to be the only one kicking about in some (still to order) eBay cowboy boots, you know?! But much more dangerous than that is listening to the song from the album ‘Glasgow (No Place Like Home)’ when you’ve not long moved back to Glasgow (I was in America for a few years but that’s another story for another time).

I can now add this song to the playlist I listened to in America called ‘songs that remind me of home and make me cry’. Also on this list is Dougie MacLean - Caledonia (If your Scottish and you live in another country and this doesn’t make you even slightly emotional, you’re not Scottish fact!) Gerry Cinnamon ‘Diamonds in the Mud’ (relatable beyond belief especially if you grew up in a scheme back in the day) and of course Artmesia – Bits n Pieces (mainly the tears for this one came out of frustration after a drunken night out when no American DJ had it to play to properly end the night). Actually (and now I’m deviating a bit) it was played one time over there at a wedding. Some friends came over from Glasgow to get married in New York and that night it was on in this lovely wee Italian restaurant. There was a bout 40 or 50 Glaswegians that came over for that wedding and you should’ve seen the staff in this place, don’t think they had ever seen such carnage. Bar was nearly drunk dry, there was literally a guy swinging from a chandelier and of course a bunch of wrecked Scottish people stamping their feet into the floor and shouting “Here we, here we go” when Bits n Pieces came on. I realise this might sound repulsive to some people, but it was a bloody magic atmosphere at the time. Plus EVERYBODY has done this at some point so don't be kidding yourself on haha!

Annnnyway Jessie Buckley singing ‘Glasgow (No Place Like Home), that’s plenty doll. Listening to the words in that song just put me right back in America, stirring up all the emotions that I went through nearly every bloody week. The main one being guilt, pure guilt weighing heavy on my heart. I would rather have got physically punched in the face than emotionally punched in the gut by guilt. True story. There’s nothing you can do to ‘fix’ those feelings or stop yourself from feeling them. When the guilt does set in it reminds you that back home your nephew is getting bigger and starting school, you have a new niece you haven’t met, your best friends kids only see Auntie Kat on the phone, your mum is getting older, basically that you’re missing out on all these precious life moments and it all just consumes you. You start justifying to yourself why you left and that you’ll be back at some point and you drive yourself crazy really. Even though I’m home now, I still have guilt for leaving in the first place but I don’t regret it one bit. Living in America changed me, for the better and reignited a passion for Glasgow in me that I must have taken for granted at some point along the way.

So for the next few days if anyone is looking for me I’ll be listening to this ‘Glasgow’ song, sitting on the window ledge watching the rain hit off the glass (we’re going to get rain, we’re due it now and also this is the perfect backdrop to me feeling my feelings), I’ll be wrapped in my Saltire blanket and sipping on my Irn Bru, taking comfort in the fact ‘there’s no place like home’.

Thanks for reading folks,

Kat x

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